Me, now. The struggle to be normal, sane, happy, rested... It's like drowning. You know, it's so quiet.... you can't scream because there's water in your mouth, and when you do come up for a second of air, all you can do is breathe before sinking again. The terror of not making it up for another gulp, of not being noticed by someone and rescued. The constant struggle to stay afloat, keep your mouth above the water... And most drownings can't be detected by the people standing by, because you are not thrashing or screaming for help... all of your energy is put into trying to get that one more breath... I have the strength still, to reach out for a rope. I am reaching, and will grab onto it.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
This is like drowning.
Me, now. The struggle to be normal, sane, happy, rested... It's like drowning. You know, it's so quiet.... you can't scream because there's water in your mouth, and when you do come up for a second of air, all you can do is breathe before sinking again. The terror of not making it up for another gulp, of not being noticed by someone and rescued. The constant struggle to stay afloat, keep your mouth above the water... And most drownings can't be detected by the people standing by, because you are not thrashing or screaming for help... all of your energy is put into trying to get that one more breath... I have the strength still, to reach out for a rope. I am reaching, and will grab onto it.
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Bonnie, I don't know what's going on, but I'd like to help somehow... I'm free during the day tomorrow if you want to chat.
ReplyDeleteOh, thank you - I didn't see this until just now. I am okay, just felt myself sinking fast into depression and worse... but I am seeking help with a very wonderful therapist and have great hopes for the outcome! =)
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