Thursday, March 31, 2011

Day 135

I am leaving this morning, for a visit to Pennsylvania. I have realized recently that I need to have something to look forward to, to strive for. If there is nothing, I'm afraid that I will fall into a depression so deep that there will not be a way out. I also see that the thing doesn't have to be big, like a trip to PA, but it could be plans to have coffee with a friend, or planning for a camping trip coming up.
All I know is, from now on, I am going to make sure that there is something to look toward in my future.

These are trumpet flowers, brought to me very proudly and with much fanfare, by my most darling Willow Rain.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Day 133

Spent the past two nights fighting off attacks of fear, nightmares, violence and skeletons which I had thought were vanquished. I am exhausted, and I am weak. The perfect target.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Day 131

Some kind of magic.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Day 130

This is the stepping-stone that Sahara made. I just adore her uniqueness, and the different way she sees the world, and how things should be.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Day 129

Well, hello, first rose of the new blooming! I am happy to see you, and even more happy to see that you are not challenged.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Day 127

This was another "oops" photo. Willow was supposed to be in it with me, but she hopped down and knocked the camera askew, and here is the rather awesome result. The light!!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A promise?

Is a promise a promise, even if a person quite can't believe it or even understand it? I sure hope so.

Day 126

Bloom on a Pineapple Sage

Monday, March 21, 2011

Day 125

The pool awaits.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Day 124

Bean's fish

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Day 123

My seven-year-old is, mildly put, fixated on Sonic the Hedgehog. He dresses like Sonic, has a Sonic hat, and wants every Sonic toy available. He draws hundreds of pictures of Sonic, and all of the other characters. He wears white gloves. He even smiles like Sonic, and says, "This is my Sonic smile." He knows the lyrics to every song on the show and the games, and if he wonders about some of them, he looks them up online and writes them down. He writes his own Sonic comic books, and reads them to me with great enthusiasm. Today, he looked online to see "how to make Sonic shoes", and then begged and pleaded with me to make him a pair.
My husband is away at a VW bus show, and I am already feeling a little grumpy about not having any sort of break this weekend. Not to mention that next week I will have all of my kids home for Spring Break.
I finally just broke down and made my son a pair of Sonic shoes, because honestly, it would get him off my back about it. He is thrilled. Grinning hugely, and wide-eyed. This makes me happy, and although I find myself concerned with the idea of catering to his fixation, I am glad that I could make him so happy, so relatively easily.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Day 122

Sometimes the reflection of a thing is more real than the thing itself.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Day 119

For some reason, when I wear this shirt my husband pays a lot more attention to me. I wonder why...

Monday, March 14, 2011

Day 118

My favorite bowl and spoon. They make such lovely, gentle sounds together.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Day 117

God, I love this kid.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Friday, March 11, 2011

Day 115

I got a new phone, just because I could. (With AT&T, you can get a new FREE phone after a year of having your old one!) It's a Pantech Pursuit, and it's just so stinkin' cute. Once I figured out where the power button was (harhar), I was good to go!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Housewife

These days, she straddles two worlds, and somehow for now, it works for her. She goes about her daily mundane tasks, but her mind is always light years away, living an opposite life where things are exciting and nothing is close to her reality. She's striving to throw herself over completely, to escape this life that she never planned or wanted. In that other world, I can fly, she thinks, as she glances down at the ball and chain which is quite possibly the last remaining thing that keeps her anchored to this world that is becoming less and less her reality, and more and more just a dream. Not a bad dream, no. But a dream where things move too slowly, where there are no colors, and where, even when she screams no sound comes forth.
She has dimly heard people say things like, "You are so organized. You're such a great mother. You always seem so calm." She chuckles softly at the thought, knowing that what those people see is only a fading shadow of what she might be in that other world. A deep sigh escapes her lips, but nobody notices the sound, or the slight change in her expression - a flicker of emotion that no person could name, even if they had noticed it.
She wanders through her house like a ghost, like a draft, and wonders often if she would be missed if she ever made it to that other place. She thinks not.
I should be something great, she thinks. I should be a warrior, fighting battles, drawing blood, shrieking a war cry that shakes the trees. I should have the wind in my hair, skin that by all rights should be weathered and leathered from the sun, but remains porcelain, because in my world, everything is as I wish it would be. She slowly dries another bowl as she drifts further into that idealized place, which can only be real to a filmmaker or a person who has lost their marbles. I am not insane, she tells herself. I just want something other than what is. Is that so wrong? I need this.
Anyone watching her would see a daydreaming woman doing what housewives are meant to do. But nobody can see where she's gone, now. Her body remains in the kitchen, hair askew, bathrobe coming loose, bare feet on slate tiles. Her hands sluggishly wash and dry the neverending dishes. But she has left her body, her kitchen, her house, her world. She flies now. And she smiles.

Day 114

Even silly Mr. Owl survived the storm last night. Drip, drip, drip.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Day 113

A dear friend gave me this rose bush when it was a spindly, pathetic looking thing. It's grown so full, now, that it looks like an actual bush! I am contemplating the idea of planting it in the ground, where it might really flourish.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Day 112

Oh, to be this exuberant always.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Day 111

Poor little challenged rose bud. I plucked him to put him out of his misery. (Does this mean I believe in Euthanasia?)

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Day 110

Best. Snack. Ever.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Day 109

I have been wanting to do this for so long! I'm painting a mural on our back wall, and the idea is that anyone who comes to visit can put a hand print up! Soon there will be trees made of hand prints, a sun made of hand prints, and of course, a big, beautiful flower garden made of hand prints! The ones shown are mine, Willow's, Sahara's, and Isaiah's. I need more paint!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Day 108

Sprouts in my garden! These will be all different types of lovely flowers. Go, sprouts, go!!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Day 106

Generally, I would run away from anything to do with pesticide. But! We now have a fire ant-free yard!! This means we can lay on the grass, we can roll and sit and play, we don't have to constantly look around to make sure there aren't any of those beastly things coming our way! The best part about it is, it's guaranteed for a year. Hoorah!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011