Okay

After much urging from a dear friend, I have decided to try this Therapy thing one more time. The fellow specializes in PTSD, and uses traditional therapy along with EMDR to help put a patient's traumas behind them, for good. Out of about 150 cases that he has used this treatment for, only one failed. So, I guess that means there is hope for me!
Lately I have found myself falling to pieces, more broken every day. It always comes as such a shock to me, as I tend to wander around thinking that everything is in the past and that I am over it all. This is absolutely untrue, and I have come to see quite a few things in the past couple of weeks that tell me that I am not okay.
So, this is my last resort. If it doesn't work, I give up. I will just live with the me that I am, and trudge wearily through every day.
I am barely managing to hang on to my sanity lately, and the only thing, honestly the ONLY thing keeping me halfway functional is my kids. I just feel like my rope is unwinding on its own, and soon even my kids won't be a "good enough" reason for me to keep it together.
I do not want things to get to that point, that point of no return. And so I will try one more time. I am hoping for a miracle, really... and it's sad because in my life I have learned not to expect very much from things, because that way, I can't be let down.
The things that are affecting me now are these - abandonment issues, trust issues, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, no appetite, feeling antsy, anger- rage, actually, neediness, thoughts of self-harm, lack of motivation, severe mood swings, nightmares... I will stop there, because now I am even more depressed just reading it...
My dear readers (if there are any, that is), if you pray, please say one for me. I can't promise anything, but I hope to update here as progress (hopefully!!) is made.