Monday, June 28, 2010


After much urging from a dear friend, I have decided to try this Therapy thing one more time. The fellow specializes in PTSD, and uses traditional therapy along with EMDR to help put a patient's traumas behind them, for good. Out of about 150 cases that he has used this treatment for, only one failed. So, I guess that means there is hope for me!
Lately I have found myself falling to pieces, more broken every day. It always comes as such a shock to me, as I tend to wander around thinking that everything is in the past and that I am over it all. This is absolutely untrue, and I have come to see quite a few things in the past couple of weeks that tell me that I am not okay.
So, this is my last resort. If it doesn't work, I give up. I will just live with the me that I am, and trudge wearily through every day.
I am barely managing to hang on to my sanity lately, and the only thing, honestly the ONLY thing keeping me halfway functional is my kids. I just feel like my rope is unwinding on its own, and soon even my kids won't be a "good enough" reason for me to keep it together.
I do not want things to get to that point, that point of no return. And so I will try one more time. I am hoping for a miracle, really... and it's sad because in my life I have learned not to expect very much from things, because that way, I can't be let down.
The things that are affecting me now are these - abandonment issues, trust issues, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, no appetite, feeling antsy, anger- rage, actually, neediness, thoughts of self-harm, lack of motivation, severe mood swings, nightmares... I will stop there, because now I am even more depressed just reading it...
My dear readers (if there are any, that is), if you pray, please say one for me. I can't promise anything, but I hope to update here as progress (hopefully!!) is made.


  1. My hopes and prayers are with you. Your strength is there, time to find the right way to channel it.

  2. praying and waiting for a good report!

  3. My dear friend, please know you are loved. My heart is heavy for you, and I pray that you will triumph in the midst of your pain. You do have a wonderful family and I miss you all very much. I wish I could hang out with you all. Remember I`m here for you as much as I can be. Let me know if you ever need a friend to just talk to, I`ll be there to listen.

  4. I'm broken and so many of my friends are broken too, and I can't figure out why there's so much pain and grief around. I want to do something to bring relief, but I just don't know what. Yes, I will definitely pray, and if Suo and I can do anything else to help, please tell us! (HUGS)