We are thrilled to announce our development of a new machine - a machine so amazing, that once you get one, you will never need another machine again!
It does everything! It cleans, it cooks, it washes and folds your laundry! It finds your lost things! It serves as a taxi, a bed, a comforter, a gardener! It wipes away your tears and snot! It makes you lists, so that you never forget something at the grocery store! It keeps a running record of your life through photographs! It pays your bills! You never have to worry, because this new machine does all of your worrying for you!
Can't find a sock? Ask the machine! Can't find your pants? Just ask! The machine will find them for you before you can say "skipadeedoodah"!
It can even be inseminated and carry a fetus, deliver it, and nurture it! Note: It can only do this action up to four times, before blowing a fuse and being broken forever. We are working hard on finding a solution to this small problem.
The best part about this new machine? You never have to listen to it's ideas or opinions! We have noticed a couple of small glitches, aside from the one noted above: One which causes the machine to ramble sometimes, and one which makes the machine seem to be almost depressed. But all you have to do is ignore it! Amazing. Truly, the best invention to date. Get yours today!!