Monday, June 23, 2014

Buy or Bye

I had to say "bye" to Chantix.  Mainly because when it was time to buy the second month, I was $47 short (I'm poor. Very.)  Then, in the way that things have of happening, things happened.  My oldest is trying to get his driver's permit.  It's a whole fiasco that I'm not gonna get into here, but basically, it's costing more than twice what it should have.
Nobody panic, yet.  Quitting Chantix doesn't necessarily mean I'm quitting quitting.   It might.  I don't know the future.  I do know that this is day four without Chantix, and I don't want a cigarette.
Okay, so some things I've noticed already, being OFF of Chantix:  I am highly emotional.  Like, crying.  A lot.  Anyone who knows me, knows I can't stand that crap.
I'm not sleeping well.  I lay awake - wide awake, until almost morning.  I don't mind it.  In fact, it's a nice change from the dreams.  
Oh.  Coffee!  It's the first time in a month that coffee isn't disgusting to me.  I'm so relieved.  For that month, the smell and taste of coffee made me feel like vomiting.  I still drank it, but only one cup instead of two, and I had to set the cup far enough away from my face, that I couldn't smell it's coffeeness.
I hope food starts to taste better, too.  It's been disappointing lately, although I suppose you wouldn't know it unless I said it, since I've gained at least five pounds.
The nagging headache that I've had since starting Chantix.... IS STILL HERE.   I think I said it before, but I'll say it again in case I'm doing that weird - did I dream it or what - thing.  It's not a normal headache.  I know a tension headache, and I certainly know a migraine.  This is neither.  The closest it comes to is a concussion headache, which I'm also too familiar with.
I'm not sure if I'll keep writing blog posts about this journey.  I might.  Maybe just one more, a few months from now, or something.  Just to let everyone know if I've stayed quit, or if I went back to the cancer sticks. To everyone thinking right now, "She's definitely going to start smoking again.", maybe. If you're right, uh, you'll win an "Basic Intelligence and Definite Superiority" medal.    I hope it makes your day!
I also hope you're wrong, but I wouldn't place any bets on anything, at this point.
Oh, one more thing. To those few people who just simply love me, no matter what, even when I'm a huge loser, and show their love with no judgment, THANK YOU.  xo


  1. You are not and never will be a "huge loser".

  2. Hugs. So glad you are still writing. And either way I will love you.

  3. You're an awesome friend no matter how things turn out! I think you're brave for going on this journey. I just hope your headache goes away.