Monday, September 28, 2009

The story of Sahara's bean plant


The kids in Sahara's class each planted a bean about a week ago. Two days ago, the bean plants were sent home - most of the plants had grown to between 6 inches to a foot in height! Sahara's bean, however, had sprouted a little, then curled in on itself and was burrowing into the dirt. She carried it home, so tenderly, and asked me why it wasn't growing big like the other bean plants. I told her that everything and everyone grows at a different rate, and that maybe her bean plant was feeling shy around all the tall plants at school. I asked her what she thought we could do to make the bean plant not feel shy - she excitedly told me that it needed more dirt, and some sunshine! She gently covered the cowering thing with dirt, dropped some water in, and found a lovely spot for it on our windowsill. She was positive that it would grow - I was not, but didn't say anything about my feelings on the matter. Yesterday, I looked at the little cup holding the bean, and saw that it had sprouted about an inch! I showed Sahara, and she was thrilled! She touched it gently, and told me that we needed to put it back on the windowsill so that it could have more sunlight. Today, as you will see from the photo, the bean plant is flourishing! I have a feeling that if we treated people the way that Sahara has treated her bean plant, we could make such a huge difference in this world. Find someone who is curled in on themselves, find someone who is shy and afraid to grow, find someone who needs some tender care, and maybe, just maybe you will see them sprout and flourish!!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Just Thinking

I feel ... lost. I don't know where to go from here. I don't want all of this to be for nothing, but when will it end? I want it to be over.
I feel ... alone. Where is my family, who I need to support me? Where is the unconditional everything that a family offers? Yes, I have friends. Yes, I have support from a lot of people. But the ones I need it from the most? Vanished.
I feel ... strong. I have grown in these days. I am a better me.
I feel ... God. Isn't it usually the times when we are at our lowest point emotionally, spiritually, the times when we can see God? I see him. I hear him. I cry out to him.
I feel ... heartbroken. Wounded. Crushed. How many times do I need to hand these things over to God? And now, I hand him more than my own. I hand him the pain and the broken souls of people that I love. Although I am strong, I am not strong enough for these.
I feel ... tired. Soul-tired.
I feel ... hopeless. When will these people's eyes be opened? How many times do we have to throw it in their faces before they see it? Will they ever see it?
I feel ... I feel ... I feel.
So, because I feel, I am here, not numb. I think maybe I would like to be numb now....

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Once apon a time...

...When I was only a child, there was simplicity. And there was genuine pleasure in doing what some may have perceived as boring monotony...

On Spoons

We had our use, we delighted in our job! We fed the hungry! We satisfied a need! And when all was said and done, although we were abandoned, we remain pleased with the knowledge that we have done our jobs well.

Willow

I had always assumed that my last baby would be easy for me to hand off to others, leave with a sitter, drop off in the nursery at church... Boy, was I wrong!! I am more attached to Willow than I have been to any of my other kids, and suffer separation anxiety when she's not with me. Little girl, you don't know how lucky you are. Your mommy simply adores you.