Just Thinking

I feel ... lost. I don't know where to go from here. I don't want all of this to be for nothing, but when will it end? I want it to be over.
I feel ... alone. Where is my family, who I need to support me? Where is the unconditional everything that a family offers? Yes, I have friends. Yes, I have support from a lot of people. But the ones I need it from the most? Vanished.
I feel ... strong. I have grown in these days. I am a better me.
I feel ... God. Isn't it usually the times when we are at our lowest point emotionally, spiritually, the times when we can see God? I see him. I hear him. I cry out to him.
I feel ... heartbroken. Wounded. Crushed. How many times do I need to hand these things over to God? And now, I hand him more than my own. I hand him the pain and the broken souls of people that I love. Although I am strong, I am not strong enough for these.
I feel ... tired. Soul-tired.
I feel ... hopeless. When will these people's eyes be opened? How many times do we have to throw it in their faces before they see it? Will they ever see it?
I feel ... I feel ... I feel.
So, because I feel, I am here, not numb. I think maybe I would like to be numb now....