I wonder what it takes to feel loved. I love and love and love until my ♥ cracks, but I never, ever feel loved. I think maybe it's impossible. I'm thirty-one years old, and live every day longing for that feeling, and I don't even know what that feeling is supposed to be. I know what being needed is, boy do I. But that's not the same thing. How can a person find and capture the thing they are looking for when they don't even know what it is? More things to ponder while I lay awake at night...
Friday, February 18, 2011
I wonder. Or do I wander?
I wonder what it takes to feel loved. I love and love and love until my ♥ cracks, but I never, ever feel loved. I think maybe it's impossible. I'm thirty-one years old, and live every day longing for that feeling, and I don't even know what that feeling is supposed to be. I know what being needed is, boy do I. But that's not the same thing. How can a person find and capture the thing they are looking for when they don't even know what it is? More things to ponder while I lay awake at night...
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Hmmmmm. Now you've got me pondering, cause I have this same issue, and I'm wondering if it's part of the MK package, or some other flaw in my emotional character. Like you said, I know "needed" I like needed, though sometimes I think it's more of a "I settle for needed" thing. But "loved" happens rarely and fleetingly. I think, for me at least, it's a matter of being important. My parents claim that I started asking if I was their favourite almost as soon as I could talk - I have later memories of them telling me rather forcefully that even when I was an only child I was never the favourite. I think I've defined being loved as being the most important person in someone's life - and sadly, I don't think that will ever happen. This is why I have cats. (That, and apparently because I'm a glutton for punishment.) I hope you figure out how to grasp the feeling of being loved...let me know if you have any insight into it.
ReplyDeleteI wish I did have insight, ha. This has pretty much been a lifelong thing, reaching out and grasping at what love might be, and always seeing it slip through my fingers like smoke...
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