I'm not sure what to make of these phases in my life when everything feels like a reflection in a mirror - nothing seems real. Lately, I am lonely. I have a full life with kids and husband, but it's not the same thing as having a best friend around to just sit with and shoot the breeze or really talk, or just say nothing at all and be comfortable in that silence. Lately I feel emotionless, except for in my dreams, when my emotions are so heightened that I wake frequently with tears pouring, or laughter shouting, or anger screaming... Why can't I experience this rawness of feeling in waking?
It feels like something is missing, but if only I could figure out what that something is - and here's the great part - I know I'm not the only one who is in this boat. I want to see the others who are in this place with me! Where are you, you soul-sad, too-old-for-your-years, life-bruised, reality-torn creatures like me?
I know the feeling. It's strange. I'm about to get married to an amazing man and have a baby on the way, but I feel distanced from everyone else now. People in the same place in life as me right now are too busy... and so am I.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, friend.