Day 45

*Someone* has too many toys.

Day 44

One of my favorite gifts. My youngest sister gave him to me. He's so round and smooth and ... owlish!

Day 43

Baileys. Yum.

Day 42

They broke the skyline.

Day 41

Snow and strong wind today. Blowing into unexpected places.

Day 40

Mom's chickens. Sometimes you can see their breath. Chicken breath.

Day 39

Lace on the creek

Day 38

Skeleton trees against a rainbow sky in Pennsylvania.

Day 37

Road trip sunset.

Day 36

It was to remind myself to stop by the liquor store. And what to buy.
I must say, this challenge feels daunting to me now, and I'm not sure why. I mean, I almost always take photos, it's like drinking my morning coffee, or taking a piss. It's something that comes naturally to me in my daily routine. But I have this irrational fear about missing a day. What will happen if I forget to post a photo? Will the world end? Will I be struck down by some sort of deadly cancer or have a sudden aneurysm in my brain? Will my conniving kitchen actually succeed in causing me severe trauma by way of knife, cast iron pot, or boiling water? I am being kept awake at night with these thoughts of what may happen if I forget to post a photo!

Day 35

Turkey carcass in the pot. Why the long face?

A random memory

I just had the most random memory come slug me in the brain. I had a teacher, I think it was tenth grade, or it could have been twelfth. He said to me once, "Why do you act like such a little kid? Grow up. You're almost a woman now."
WTF.
This is the same teacher who slyly passed me a note during class. On the outside it said, "Shhh." and on the inside it said, "Please sit like a lady."

Day 34

SoftHat is cold. Frost is not a nice place to snuggle.

Day 33

I am always the "Christmas elf", which means that I wear a santa hat and hand out gifts to everyone. This year I am wearing elf-socks, too. xo

Day 32

Today, my baby girl celebrated her second Birthday!
This insert was a bit of a joke. On the left: A regular 'My Little Pony', on the right, 'Pole-dancing Pony', (or so we dubbed her.) She loves to make new friends!

Day 31

Sealed with a kiss. X

Day 30

My Zaia will be so thrilled to see this. He coated the pine cone with peanut butter and bird seed. Willow would like to catch the bird, but I don't think we'll be trying that.

Day 29

One of my favorite necklaces in the morning light.

Day 28

A sun and condensation.

Day 27

Guess what color went onto my hair today. Not purple!

Day 26

After a night full of bad dreams and lost sleep, I had to get out into the air and just breathe.

Day 25

I wanted to see what would happen if I purposely swerved while taking this photo. I love how it turned out! Whooooosh.

Day 24

This is just the sun shining through a mesh chair that was wet with dew. I thought it was pretty.

Day 23

Confidence is posting a photo of oneself that is very unattractive and extremely dorky, and not caring. I am WAY too excited about these pajamas.

Day 22

It is the 8th of December, in Florida. This morning reads 23 degrees on the thermometer. Our bird bath froze, and I'm pretty sure my cats are crying loudly because they are also freezing slowly, from the icy little paws and up.

Wild Honey, Mine

Photo: One of my favorite places in Senegal, down by the Casamance River.

Whenever I hear this song, I think of my husband. He is my wild honey. I have loved him since I was a child, and I never want to go or grow without him.

Here are bits of lyrics from the song. (By U2)

In the days
When we were swinging from the trees
I was a monkey
Stealing honey from the swarm of bees
I could taste...
I could taste you even then
And I would chase you down the wind
You can go there if you please
Wild honey
And if you go there, go with me
Wild honey
Did I know you...
Did I know you even then?
Before the clocks kept time
Before the world was made
From the cruel sun
You were shelter...
You were my shelter and my shade
If you go there with me
Wild honey
You can do just what you please
Wild honey
Yeah, just blowing in the breeze
Wild honey
Im still standing...
I'm still standing where you left me
Are you still growing wild
With everything tame around you?

Day 21

Some art I saw. Wish I could remember the artist's name. This was in a box, 3D, (like a life-size shadow box) and so pretty.

Day 20

What anxious and alone looks like.
This was before. Today is new.

Day 19

I adore glass bottles in different colors, and these just did something for me.
Love.

Day 18

This was stuck into an amazing wall that I found, in this town that I'm visiting. You could stand at that wall for hours, and still not see everything. More later...

Day 17

Best syrup EVER. Lyle's Golden Syrup. Perfection. Heaven in your mouth. Try it sometime!

Day 16

Today, I am very happy NOT to live in a place where it snows.

Sometimes

Sometimes, I wish that I could cry like a child,
naturally and with all my heart.
Wide-mouthed
and wailing, to just let it out,
and scare people with
the honesty of it.

Day 15

This photo was actually an accident. But I played with it a bit, and decided to keep it. Wondering what a good caption might be.

Grand Central Station?

The water in the teapot whistles the arrival of it's boiling point, the dishwasher rumbles like a freight engine starting down the tracks. And the kids, one at a time, roar into my room like a train with no breaks, and leap with bone-jarring impact of knees and elbows to wake me from my restless sleep. This day of crashing, crushing sounds has officially begun.

Day 14

Willow's most awesome boots - made in Italy.

What everyone wants, when it comes right down to it.

I am tired of working for something unattainable. I am tired, in general.

I just want to love and be loved, with no obligation and with no expectation.

Day 13

A very small bit of Ryan's collection. There is a whole wall in our living room dedicated to his butterflies. I love them.

(As always, you may click on the image to view it in a larger, more lovely size.)

An intermittent piece of ramble

I probably should have started a separate blog for the 365 day photo challenge, but I didn't. So in between days and days of photos, you will be seeing random and possibly misplaced posts by me. The wonderful thing is, you don't have to read it!
The other day was a terrible one for me, a setback, so to speak. I wanted to be like smoke or fog, or smog. No, not smog, because smog stays. I wanted to disappear. To be and then suddenly not be.
Usually those days are few and far between, and I am grateful to say, fleeting.
That day seems to be hanging on, however. For some reason, I do not feel fine. I still want to not be. I am overwhelmed with my life which is not overwhelming. I am anxious and achy.
The achy part really bothers me, because I have noticed that with stress of mind or soul comes physical pain that presents itself by way of a migraine, or a stomach ache so bad that I can't walk, or muscle pain or joint pain, or exhaustion, or sleeplessness, or nausea and other stomach issues that I won't elaborate on. I think it might be easier to feign normalcy if the physical pain did not exist.
I can act. That's not a problem. I've done it for years. It does become exhausting when I do it for too long, but I'm great at it.
Today I literally cannot handle anything. I can't even act today. If I was to be exposed to a social situation right now, I would most likely be forcibly committed to a hospital... in that wing.
Ramble, ramble. I did say you didn't have to read this, right? I'm writing it for myself, to try and work things out here. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn't.
Today I want to get into a car and just drive to nowhere, and not stop. I want to be alone completely, with no sound. I don't want to come back home.
Let me be clear, this is not about my family. I adore beyond words, my husband and my kids. This is about something in me that is broken, or at least badly bent. Can I be repaired? Ha. I actually laughed. That's good, right? Perhaps, if a cynical laugh can be called "good".
People have tried for years to repair what's broken in me. I have, too. I wonder if duct tape would work. If only.
I feel small. I feel cold. Dark. Alone in myself.


I feel lost.

Day 12

A 31-year-old ornament. Mine.

Day 11

Isaiah was very pleased that we were both wearing black hats today. He wanted a photo of the occasion. Ta-da!

Day 10

These are my favorite leggings in the whole wide world.

Day 9

There is nothing like a brand spanking new tin of Bag Balm, untouched. It makes me want to put my whole hand in and squish around.

Day 8

Working on colors with Willow today. She knows blue and red, and sometimes purple.

Day 7

Experimenting with Overlay on my camera today. Fun!!
This is the pool and my face.

Day 6

VW tire, flowers, sky, and me.

Day 5

Janis through the window

Day 4

Ryan says I look like a crazy person waiting for the aliens to land.

Day 3

We love to be outside - here, Willow is telling me about a leaf she found on the ground.

Day 2

There are three trees growing out of my neighbor's rain gutter.

Day 1

Grapes in the window - Yes, I need to dust.